When I sit back and look at where I am and where I've been, it's hard to believe. I'm sure there are times in your life when you have felt the same way. Maybe there were some rough areas you went through and after you escaped from them you looked back and could not believe you managed to get out of them. Or, maybe like me, you just had a completely different plan for your life than the one that unfolded. I didn't ever think I'd be where I am today, but as I look at the possibilities ahead of me because of where I am right now, I can't help but be filled with so much excitement for the adventure God has in store for me!
PREFACE
When I originally went to school for Communication my thought process was that I had two choices. I could either go to school for something that could make me a lot of money, or I could go to college and do whatever I needed to do to go into full time ministry. As I was thinking about that decision I ended up reading a passage in the Bible that discusses how difficult it is for a rich man to get into the kingdom of Heaven. The passage compares the difficulty to that of a camel going through the eye of a needle. I don't want greed and the idol of money to blur my vision of God, so I chose a degree in Communication, believing that it was going to be the first step into full-time ministry. I had dreams of going to remote villages and living life with the people there in order to tell them about Jesus. Well, I got diagnosed with diabetes when I was 19, which made me completely dependent on insulin, putting an end to any dreams of being anywhere away from doctors and pharmacies for an extended amount of time. I thought the dream was behind me and ended up moving into an engineering degree a few years later, assuming that God had shut the door on a paid position in ministry.
RECENT REVELATIONS
Ever since I settled into the working world I've felt distanced from ministry. Even though most of my spare time goes into it, I haven't been able to feel like I'm fulfilling the passion God has put in my heart for it. I've been thinking and praying about what God might have for me. I know there must be a way to serve Him in greater amounts, but so far I've failed to figure out what that might be. Well, for the last two weeks I've been trying to decide whether it was God's desire for me to go on a mission's trip to Holland or if it was my own desire. Most of the time when I receive a support letter or know a friend raising support for something, I judge whether to give and how much to give based on their passion for what they're doing and whether I think they're doing it for the right reasons. I understand that has a lot to do with how I feel, which could easily involve human error, but I figure it's the best thing I can do to keep from emptying the bank account every time I know someone that goes on a mission trip. Well, I wanted to make sure that the people I am asking for financial assistance were being asked by someone who was being led to go on this trip by the Lord and not choosing to go on it out of his own will.
The more I prayed about the trip and thought about why I was going, the more I realized that this is a great opportunity for God to speak to me about my future in ministry. The ability to go to another country on a mission's trip always opens up your eyes a lot more to what's going on around you and gives a much clearer vision of what God's plan might be for your life. Someone shared with me a few weeks ago that short-term mission trips are more beneficial in bringing change in the lives of the people going than the lives of the people being served, and I believe that that's probably true most of the time. I definitely hope to go on this mission's trip to serve the people of Holland, but I also have a strong feeling that God will give me direction during this trip into how I can shape my life now in order to devote myself to ministry better in the future. At some point I would love to do full-time ministry, but I'm completely lost as to how that might happen right now.
So, I've pretty much realized that I don't really want your support to go aid a church in a different country for a week, but I ask for your support to help me discover the vision for a ministry for the rest of my life. I love that I will have the opportunity to work alongside a church, and I'm sure we will do some great things! But, I also know that there are probably people there capable of doing those things as well. I want to develop the passion I have for ministry and allow God to feed wisdom to me on how to develop my life into one of full time ministry.
What I need from you guys is a lot of prayer. I need advice and wisdom. I need financial assistance. God can teach us a lot through the Bible. I consider it my manual on how to love God, my playbook, and my owner's manual on life. It definitely has a lot of answers and gives a lot of direction, but God created the church to create community, and I need the benefits of that community. I really don't know what I would do for full time ministry or how to transition into full time ministry from where I am right now. Or, maybe my life and my schedule just need some rearranging and I just need to get myself into a different type of ministry. There are things people on the outside see about my passion and my skills that I can't see about myself, and I need to know those things in order to determine what direction to go.
Financial assistance is always a hard thing to ask for, but that's why I wanted to share my heart. It's easy for some people to see giving money for someone to go on a mission's trip as giving money for someone to go on a glorified vacation, and that's what I've spent the last two weeks praying about. I didn't want to go on this trip if it was just going to be a glorified vacation. I want to show God my obedience in the small things, in hopes that He will trust me with the big things, which in this case would be a glimpse at the future and vision for my ministry. As of right now I've raised $75 out of $2000, and it's been about a month. That's a long way to go! Based on my blogs from the past, I know there are going to be about 100 people that at least open this page, and just $5 from everyone would make a huge difference. No gift is too small. Please pray about it and consider helping me develop a vision. God is going to put it on some people's hearts to support me in this way, and He won't with others. I trust that He will supply for my financial needs if He truly wants me on this trip.
Cut and paste this link if you would like to give. seacoa.st/thewellholland
I truly love everyone who takes time to read these posts. If there is any way I can share more about my life or any questions that have come up, please ask. I'm an open book!
Love you all!
